Gah - Monday morning. I hate Monday mornings. They are, as Garfield himself might wittily have put it, really shit. Then again, I only have today and tomorrow, and then I'm off for Christmas, so in a sense it's actually Thursday morning, which isn't half as bad.

You know that thing where, five minutes after you've left the house, you suddenly get the horrible suspicion that you've left the iron on or something, and then you um and ah for a bit and finally go back, only to find invariably that you haven't left it on at all? Well this morning I did go back to check the iron, and it turned out I had left it on. Which just goes to show what an original and cliche-free life I lead. That said, on Saturday I did get a shopping trolley with a wonky wheel, so obviously there's still a bit of work to do.

So what about the snooker, eh? Poor old wrinkly Steve Davis denied his fairytale ending by some 18-year-old Chinese whippersnapper. To see his ashen face crease with disappointment as, one after the other, his balls rattled in the pocket - well, it almost broke my heart. I was, quite literally, on the edge of my seat. Still, I would have had a lot more sympathy for Davis if he hadn't played like an absolute spaz for the whole match. That blue to right middle? Even I could have potted that, Davis. You should be bloody well ashamed of yourself.

Anyway, having stayed up late to watch a snooker legend be utterly and irretrievably humiliated, I managed to catch the last hour or so of Channel 4's 100 Greatest Christmas Moments. I only meant to watch it for ten minutes or so - but you know how horribly addictive these programmes are. 'I'll just see what the next one is, then I'm off to bed. Oh, Slade, that's rubbish. Maybe the next one will be good. Ah, Blackadder, that is good. Maybe there'll be more comedy. I'll just wait..."

And before you know it Jimmy Carr is bidding you a good night. Really, if they want to make people pay attention to politics or the state of the world, all news programmes should be packaged in this format. You just literally cannot look away:

C-list celeb talking head: Hey, everybody remembers Brown talking about maintaining macroeconomic stability.

Man in T-shirt: You ask anybody, and they will say 'Hey, yeah! I remember that.'

Slightly ugly comedy writer: It's one of those things where you just think - that could NOT have been said by anybody but Brown.

Editor of Nuts: It was genius. Sheer genius.

Not-very-funny woman: It was - really - and I don't think there's single person who wouldn't agree with this - one of the all time classic Budget statements.

Etc. etc. etc. But will they listen to me? Of course not.

Well anyway, I don't want to give the impression that I just watched telly all weekend. I went to the pub and that, but it was all very generic, so I shan't bore you with the details. And now I must be off and do some of that terrible work stuff.

I may return later. I may not. Watch this space.